1-1-09 Happy New Years!

So i spent thee first two hours of thee new year at skateworks;
as thee new year was 10 seconds away,
i cried tears of disappointment, relief and happiness all together.

let's recap the year shall we (that i can actually remember) keeping it 100 might i add:

-thee mistakes made all throughout.

-i met my ex-boyfriend "ag", we started dating, we broke up. that was my btch to be honest, it was nice while it lasted, a fcking handful and very stressful, but it was nice :] he's cool though, we talk everyonce in a while.

-i met my ex-boyfriend "mb" or "mars" lmao. i met him at this pool party, he took my heart that day, lol i swear it was love at first sight, it was jst something about him. THEN he broke my heart, we got back together about a month or two later, we broke up, got back together, blahzaye blahzaye, i love him more than the air i breath, he's my heart. i cry over him alot, lol only because i care about him alot, and i love him even moreee, yet he's always finding a way to hurt my feelings by saying or doing something dumb. as for right now, we are not together, but who knows what thee new year will bring.

-mi great abuelita died :[ miss yu mama.

-I met luke in ehh '06 i think, but we jst got together this year, its great so far. I care about him alot, and i know he feels thee same about me. this relationship is jst so easy going, i never feel like im doing too much because he's such and angel and he loves me unconditionally. Im never getting my feelings stomped all over, or accused of doing shit and therefore, i like this alot. as of 09, we are still together <345.

- i met my bestfriend dujaun or "dugan", im glad he came into my life. we are jst alike in alot of ways. he helps me get through alot of the troubles that the above bring me. he actually takes the time to hear me out, and talks to me helping me to overcome my worries and for that i really appreciate him. i can see him in my life for a long time, i love our friendship.

-met some phoney btches, dropped some phoney btches, gained a greater fan base, all is livee in 08, no fights, no childish bickering, no regrets, im cooling :]

that was alot, well at least all that i can remember.
this year was crazy and some memories were made but i am so glad it's over.
most importantly i spent my new year's eve with my sisters briana, ebony and tasha,
the only females i really fck with on that level, so it was great.
without that, it woulda been horrible!!!
jst fcking horrible.
so earlier that day, me and mars get into an argument,
but as usual we made up.
so i tell him i love him and that i want to be with him as thee new year comes in.
"ard" he says.
but in my heart, i knew it wasnt going to happen.
so five minutes before thee countdown,
he's in my eye sight,
i turn my head for a quick second and he's fcking gonee.
so i txt him like "come here",
and he says "where yu at",
i tell him and im expecting him to come.
so as it nears closer and closer to thee countdown,
im getting more and more upset.
so out of no where they start the countdown, and my heart jst dropped,
i knew he wasnt going to be there so,
i began to cry and cry and cry.
i wasnt oding forreal, no sobbing or snot, jst tears of dissapointment.
i swear he always makes me feel this way,
he never fails to disappoint me and yet i still love him.
im kinda growing tired of this "rollercoasterride"
and our relationship FULLY deseves that name.
we talk almost everyday if HE's not mad at ME,
cus i swear i can never get mad and stay mad at him,
i jst love him too much.
but when we do talk,
he always catches and attitude about another niqqa.
like relax.
he's really blind to how i feel about him,
and it's really irritating cus im really affectionate towards him,
and thats not usually me, but towards him i am.
i can't say the same for him though,
well not in public at least;
&& GRRRR! how i hate that.
i swear in public,
he does not want anything to do with me.
i guess his lor btches be around, i wouldnt know.
lol like what i stink, im ugly? let me know,
cus last time i checked, i was a bad btch, if i do say so myself,
but thats jst the last time i checked, sht.
but the constant arguing,
it's kind of annoying,
it's getting really old,
it's tired,
and i really dnt know what to think anymore.
lol as a matter of fact,
he's mad at me at this moment,
about something idk,
but i can tell by the way he abruptly ended our convo yesterday night.
but im not tight, not at all,
it's a new year,
no more oding or spazzing over a nigga.
not me.
if he doesnt want to be with me,
as of right now,
im not going to push it.
im always pouring my feelings out about him.
he should get it by now,
i did my part,
it's time for him to make it work,
cus im ALWAYS trying.
if his pride is getting in the way of him working towards an "us" again,
i jst can't be with him, sad to say,
i really cannot be with a person like that.
i use to think that i wanted him in my life foreverrr and everr,
and a part of me still does,
but it jst doesn't look like thats going to happen this year, unless he changes.
it's jst not workingg :[
but we'll see what happens....goodbye '08.

HAPPY NEW YEARSS!!!
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